We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
