the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
