wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
