i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
