sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
