I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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