He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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