Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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