her vagine was all disorganized.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
