I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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