I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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