We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
