It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
