Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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