My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
