So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
