Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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