i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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