I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
