I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
