I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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