Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
