dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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