My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
