so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
