yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
