so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
