You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
