I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
