i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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