Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
