so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
