cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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