Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
