ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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