weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's just like the Real World with babies
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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