is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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