im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
