my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
