FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
