yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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