You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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