the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
