Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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