Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
