do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
