UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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