Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
