I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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