absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
