Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
