i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
